Insecurity prevents a ministry from allowing God to flow unhindered. The minister constantly attempts to fight against his perceptions and inferiority by demanding conformity from those around him to an internalized image he seeks to project on them. Tragically, he fails to understand that this is NOT the image he demonstrates or models and thus will always live in a constant state of tension, feeling like he must demand from others what he does not authentically see of himself nor what he thinks others see.
Much of this comes from childhood, the failure of parents and leaders to address deep insecurity, life events, bullying, and even narcissistic tendencies (regardless of their origin). These individuals constantly struggle with a sense of victimhood, often demonstrated in a profoundly distorted demand for respect, honor, and approval from peers, elders, and others.
Suppose this profoundly insecure man does not feel he is given the response, respect, or honor his insecurity demands. In that case, he is quick to marginalize, demean, and justify some form of denigration of the “other” that brings to light those individuals’ weaknesses, failures, and issues. Everything is viewed through a lens of hierarchal struggle, even at the cost of negating lifelong accomplishments, anointed ministries, and obvious positional superiority of other men in ministry.
Having seen men live this out in their ministries, I cannot imagine living with such an internalized tension. Unfortunately, the most damning profile that is captured by insecurity is the intelligent, yet deeply narcissistic individual who, through a profound exaggeration of self, gaslight the entire world around them that “they”, not him, is the problem.
For those who read this, how do you think one can address profound insecurities in one’s life, especially when older? I have some ideas and thoughts…
The first thing is the admission of wrong. There is an almost Balam spirit at work. Balam wanted the riches. He professed with his mouth but his heart was already decided. The individual with these insecurities has to want to change inwardly. If this step does not happen, it is a losing battle. While God can work, He will also not override free will.
If the individual seeks true change, I believe the next step is accountability. The individual must surround themselves with people who will gently guide them and correct them in love with hard truths. Slowly, the pride can be chiseled away. Without accountability, chances are they regress and return to their insecurities.
Finally, there must be a constant vigilance. Those vulnerable to these behaviors and who have experienced deep seated insecurities are susceptible to returning. Comfort and the familiar often beckon like a sirens song.
One final note, I have witnessed this kind of behavior in multiple places. I believe there is a spirit attacking men and women. A lot of this behavior is akin to the Jezebel spirit and narcissism. As men and women of God we must pray against it and guard our hearts as well lest we fall prey.